Part Two

Well today's the day. I'm going to start changing the way I live my life. I'm going to tell my parents that I want a normal teenage life. They can send me to church camp if they want; I just want to be out of the house and around kids my own age for once. I just have to think of a way to bring it up gently so they don't overreact. First I'm going to cook them a nice dinner and then give them a homeade dessert to finish off their meal. Then as we are all watching our one of our shows I'll chime in about how it would be nice if I could interact with kids my own age right now. I'll show them the research I've been gathering for the past week. Then they'll have to let me do it. I'm not asking to go to public school although that would be nice. I just want to be in a youth program that lets me meet people my own age and let me have a life. Oh please let this work. It's my only way out of here......

Alone......

Have you ever felt like there's nobody in your world that understands you completely? That's what it's like for me. Whenever I get into one of those states it's like I'm all alone and can't confide into anyone and if you try then they don't understand what you're talking about or they misinterpret everything you say. It's just so weird because you have so many friends but you can't talk to a single one without getting judged by them. It's not like you're going to go through with what you're thinking. Most of the time the thoughts that come through my mind are the ones where you ask yourself what if this happened instead of this. I always wonder what my life would've been like if I did just one thing differently. My loving boyfriend wanted me to open up to him when I was in one of my moods and he didn't understand what I was saying. I think I actually scared him with my thoughts. I love him and I know he cares for me but there are just some things he won't ever understand about me and it scares me a little bit. He's the one person right now I can talk to anything about except when it comes to that and I just feel like I'm all alone in the world...

Part One

So I'm starting to write this story. I'm only doing little parts at a time right now. Share thoughts and ideas about it if you want.


I look outside and I see the trees blowing and kids laughing while playing childish games. How I wish I was out there with them right now but I can't leave my prison of a room. I have no friends, only myself. My parents are control freaks. They homeschool me so I don't get corrupted by all the drugs and sex going around schools these days. I can only go outside when no one else is in plain view or I'm with them. They both work from home so it's not like I can sneak out anytime soon. The only time I'm around a lot of other people is when I go with my mother to the grocery store but I can't speak to a single person. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. Thank gosh for the internet. If I didn't have that then I would be clinically insane. I had asked them one day when I was about ten years old why I couldn't go outside and play with the kids and they acted like I just told them I was doing drugs or was pregnant. They still to this day won't give me a straight answer so I just give up asking. It's not like I'm getting beat on everyday, I have a good life. I just wish I had friends that I could talk to. I know that they are going to let me out soon. In a couple of years they have no choice but to let me go. Like I said I think I would be crazy if I didn't have the internet. The internet has helped me out with so many things. I have friends on there that help me with social awkwardness but that's about it. They aren't real life friends. They are just pictures and words on a computer screen and that's what I am to them. I'm tempted more and more everyday to ask them for help to escape this prison of mine. Maybe one day soon I'll get my chance to be a teenager....

Why?

There's one question you can ask and nobody really knows how to answer it without having to think about it for a minute or two. It's a little tiny question that's only three letters long. Why? Whoever thought such a tiny work could mean so much and cause so much confusion about a lot of things. Why do you love him? Why did you hit my mother? Why did you rape me? Those are some questions you don't really know how to answer because when you're asked a question like that, you're always looking for a reason to blame it on. You don't really know why you do anything and you settle with the fact that everything happens for a reason. What's the reason though? You don't know because you haven't figured it out. You can spend your whole life looking for an answer that might not exist. I know that I'm going to be searching for a long time because I don't want to ask that little question. I'm too scared to ask the one person who can answer it because I don't want to hear the excuse that I get. Whoever though a three letter word could mean so much when brought upon you.