Leaving....

I hate it when I start enjoying the way my life is going something happens to make me hate life again. I love my friends that I have and I care about them too. Especially two guys that just happen to be leaving at the same time. One is a close friend and ex-lover and the other is my current lover. They are both such great guys and they make me happy in different ways. I can take one leaving but both? It just sucks. What sucks even more is that they are leaving at the beginning of next month. I'm going to miss them both so much and probably for a while I'm not going to know what to do with myself. I'm usually with one or the other and now it's like I have to find someone else to hang out with. I have other friends but not like these two. These two understand who I am and I can be myself around them. Some of my other friends don't appreciate the way I choose to live my life but these two don't judge me at all. Why do I have to be in love with two guys in the military on sea duty?

Part Three

Ugh I can't believe these parents of mine. After all this time I spent gathering research about youth programs and the dangers of kids isolated from the world they still say no. I mean why can't I go out and experience something for myself. They got to when they were younger and look at how they turned out. I mean they would've had to meet somewhere so they could fall in love and get married and all that fun stuff. I know the world is dangerous but wouldn't it be even more dangerous if they keep me here until I know I can leave legally? I would have no where to go but still just to be able to walk outside and talk to people would be nice. I know there is something that my parents are hiding. I guess I'm going to have to do some more digging around and asking questions. But I just can't ask questions without them suspecting that I'm up to something. One good thing about being locked up is that I can make a plan easily without getting distracted. I wonder what kind of secrets my parents are hiding from me and when I find out I'm going to throw it in their face and then they'll have to let me do what I want. I know it's evil to blackmail your parents but what else am I supposed to do? I mean just think about what you would do if you were in my situation....

Always Wanting and Always Looking...

Have you felt like you are looking for something that doesn't exist? That just makes you want it more. Knowing you can't find it makes it harder to believe that its out there. Whenever you think you've found it you try to keep it yours for as long as you can, but that only makes things worse. It's like a never ending battle between you and what you want or what you're looking for. Most of the time you just want to give up and settle with whatever you have found because you get tired of looking. I don't wanna give up but I'm getting tired of this constant journey I can't seem to find an end to. Everyday it seems like it would just be easier to give in to the temptation of keeping what I have going so at least I've found something. Maybe someday I can find what I'm looking for....